Spotlight Post 1: Divorce and Children

Firstly stating that my parents have divorced when I was around 8 or 9 so I may add some of my thoughts throughout the post. Divorce itself seems to be more and more common in modern day relationships. Whether or not the child is affected by the divorce depends on how the relationship was before the divorce and after the divorce. If the relationship had the parents arguing and fighting more often than not and continues afterwards then the child will be more effected than if the relationship was taken care of civilly. “The consequences of a divorce for children are mostly that they have to move to a different home and sometimes to a different school and that they will not see and be with both their parents at the same time any more.”(Effects).

The first source suggests that children really aren’t affected at all when it comes to divorce. As stated above that the only thing they have to deal with is having to move form one house to another every now and then, but still states that children will react in different ways depending on how old they may be during the divorce. For example for children who are under the age of 9, the “preschoolers”, they feel a sense of that it was their fault for the divorce (Effects). While children 9-13 years of age become more independent and feel as though they need to take care of themselves since their parents can’t (Effects). The child is impacted the most once they enter a serious relationship and has the idea that they are going to fail or the relationship won’t last.

The following source argues that how the child is affected depends on how bad the relationship was before and after the divorce. “Researchers have consistently found that high levels of parental conflict during and after a divorce are associated with poorer adjustment in children” (Lilienfeld). This source also suggests that with more fighting creates more stress and affects how they are parenting the child, pushing them away when the child needs them the most. ” Children fare better if parents can limit conflict associated with the divorce process or minimize the child’s exposure to it” (Lilienfeld). Lilienfeld lastly states that children can bounce back and get through the divorce with little or no battle scars, if parenting is done right after the divorce.

When it came to my parent’s divorce they didn’t argue in front of me so I wasn’t exposed to it but looking back I would have to agree with the first source when stating that children from 9-13 become more independent. When it all happened and my parent’s moved to separate houses I did feel the need to take care of myself and only truly rely on myself to do things. But then I have also had friends who’s parents divorced and argued before and after the divorce and now I can see the different effects of them compared to me. I do believe that the effects on a child really do depends on how the parents take care of the situation, whether they are mature about it or not. So finally my take on it is that divorce overall can affect the child negatively if the child/children aren’t cared for correctly.

 

Bibliography:

“Effects of Divorce on Children.” Children and Divorce: Information, Tips and Real Life Stories for Divorced Parents., http://www.children-and-divorce.com/effects-of-divorce-on-children.html.

Lilienfeld, Hal Arkowitz Scott O. “Is Divorce Bad for Children?” Scientific American, http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-divorce-bad-for-children/.

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